It's a small world

So, I picked up the CDs on Wednesday, hoping to save a few quid in a cab rather than the printer's extortianate delivery costs. Collection was from Bermondsey (nice one) so I thought I'd ask my mate Danny (THE chav, as you can see) if he could recommend a reliable and crucially, safe taxi firm.Danny is an isatiable practical joker. On his first day in his current job he casually advised his and my boss that there was an urgent call from Mr G. Rarfe, who wanted to speak to the bank manager with regards to a rather juicy investment. Impressed by the boy on his first day, our boss decided to call Mr Rarfe immediately at which point Danny handed over the telephone number for London Zoo and proceeded to piss his pants at his, I hasten to add, BRAND NEW employer asking for a Mr Giraffe at London Zoo.

Surely I'd know better than to ask this man for a taxi number.

No problem says the chav, I'll text your phone you muggy c*%t (a term of enderment apparently). Collected the Cds, asked my sales rep, Logan, to call me a cab, don't worry mate I've got a good number:

Logan: Hi, can I get a cab from...sorry no can I get a c...a TAXI?...no a car not a ticket, hang on. The guy on the phone keeps talking about Millwall???

Me: Hang up, hang up now please.

Mugged right up.

Genuine cab eventually arrives. London cabs are all of the mini variety by the way. Those safe looking black thingy's are just for the tourists, when you're out in the ghettos your lucky if the driver's got a license never mind a meter. Slightly unnerved I put my stock in the boot and decide that if I'm gonna be hijacked, I've a better chance of escape from the front seat - what do we think by the way, dodgy cab = front or back seat?.

Turns out the cabbie fancies himself for conversationalist of the year and it's not long before he's turned the proverbial weather/what time you finished mate?/what brought you to London/opinionated current affairs/jobs and immigrant chitter chatter right around and we're getting on famously. Turns out he used to be in a band, a signed and moderately successful band called Plane Jane who once supported the Stone Roses at the Hacienda!

And then, then he tells me he's from Rochdale!

As a kid, you hear grown-ups talking about what a small world it is. Bollocks you think (or at least I did, I learnt to swear at a very young age), the world is massive innit bruv, reckon it'd take more than the six weeks holidays to get round it even on a BMX!

Your twenties bring a sobering reality to all this; you were right the world IS massive, but what you didn't realise was how small you were. And how stupid you looked dressed in drag.
EP1 sales have been good so far considering the absense of live performance, next gig tomorrow which should bring a further two higher profile nights. More encouraging has been the response from people who've actually had a listen. Whilst we wait for Q, OMM and NME to get a copy, let see some of those reviews:

'Top drawer' - Paul Turpin

'You looked better with shorter hair but your music is heavy, five stars' - M. Rowe

'My Brother likes your beats' - R. Suneechur

'Actually really good' - D Swinnerton

'My wife loves it too, 10 out of 10' - D Swinnerton

'I left it on my iPod all night as I slept, fantastic!' - A. Smith

'I'll buy one when I get paid' - R. Oyedele

'My favourite's Jealousy, I could just imagine myself in a dark and smoky room, Simona wants one' - J. Emmerson

'Not a bad little album actually' - Anon.

'Is the Chav song about me?' - Various.

'The Commuter is heaveeeeeeee' - S. Resone

'Oooo, that's really nice that, nice texture - Ben/Pete

'It looks like you're touching your bits on the cover' - A. Smith



The MüVs EP1 available online imminently, I love you all.